My Mind Circles

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Various thoughts

I can’t think of the last time I’ve truly focused on me and my happiness only. I’m always thinking of others. Being a parent moves me even further away from that.

Being a parent brings me more joy than I ever imagined. I find it very rewarding, daily, even through the hardest times.

I have too much stuff and I’m enjoying getting rid of it.

Comparing myself to others will never make me feel better.

I’m too honest, I used to think that was a great quality. Not so much anymore.

I really don’t have a best friend. That term seems cliche.

I need to be more grateful for things.

I’ll never make as much money as I think I should. I’ll always want more, even though all my needs are provided for and beyond.

I never sleep well.

I enjoy exercise, so why don’t I do it more? It costs nothing but time. It makes me happy. That leads back to #1…

He’s so funny

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It’s been a while

Here’s a brief catch up summary: got braces, got pregnant, got a new understanding of life, got a new church home, gotta get ready for Rhian, got great family, friends and coworkers, but most importantly, got a great husband who’s my everything. Got to sleep now. Goodnight!

Great blog with great ideas

http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2011/02/how-to-be-the-luckiest-guy-on-the-planet-in-4-easy-steps/

Panic attacks

Occasionally I have a mini panic attack thinking about death. It’s usually right before or during sleep. I think of how and what will happen. The unknown of when it will happen scares me. The thought of consciously knowing that I’ll stop breathing bothers me. But will I be conscious? I usually wake my husband up with these panic attacks, but tell him that it’s nothing. I’m lucky that he falls back to sleep immediately and only will ask me about it the next morning if he remembers.

If only I knew what caused them. I talked with someone about these once. She told me that she used to be worried about death as well. Someone told her to think of death a certain way and somehow the thought calmed her. She said to think of death as a big bullseye on the other side of a mountain that you cannot see. You are at the top this mountain with a bow and arrow. You shoot the arrow…

I waited for the rest, but that was it. I thought about this several ways. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t know where the arrow hits. I’m not sure. What I do know is that it somehow calmed me for a short period of time.

I must admit that I do not think of this scenario often. Maybe that would help with the panic attacks.

I have to find something that works for me

I’ve wanted to lose weight for several years now. I’ll lose a few pounds here and there, but I stay within the same range for the most part (under 200). This number is important to me because at my heaviest I weighed 204. The question that circles in my mind is why can’t I make the number 200 be something more like 150? I know what I need to do, so why can’t I just do it? Not sure, but I do know that I must find something in me, that’s works for me and will make me do it…for me.

What is this about?

My mind circles is just that. I constantly think about things, often circling my thoughts and not releasing them. My hope is to release them on this blog, in the most raw and unedited way. With that said, I need to read about what I can and cannot post. It may be too raw. Thanks and enjoy.